I took some time to reacquaint myself with the cards, looking at each and every one. Then I pulled three specific cards to reflect on: Death, The Queen of Cups (my significator), and the Ace of Wands (which speaks to rebirth and big creative energy). After the reading, which spoke good things to my soul about the transformation I am living, I put up the Ace of Wands with a note to myself:
“You are a Phoenix rising from the ashes. You have the power to shape what comes next.”
With the reading and other inspiration from FB writer friends that same day, I came back to center and the realization that I am still in the midst of becoming someone new. I am still in the chaos of burning away my old life while simultaneously building a new one and it is ok that it still feels messy and hard some days. This process of big life change isn’t just a matter of changing cities. I am taking new shape as an Amma, as a partner in life with Chris, Jennefer and Jillian, and as someone who consciously contributes to my community and our world through my work. Every aspect of my life is changing.
I am liberated from the old confines of obligation, poverty consciousness, and the idea of choicelessness by circumstance. I am free to chose who I become and how I express myself in this new life. I need to remember every day that I am powerful and can shape my new life with choices based in love, abundance, and freedom.
Five days later I received a call about a job, possibly the perfect job, one that I didn’t even have to jump through hoops to get (speaking of hoops – I had just received a ridiculous request to write out answers to 25 questions for a different position). The opportunity came through a recruitment agency and all it required was a resume, my references and a brief conversation with the recruiter. They haven’t met me yet, so I’ll be on a temporary assignment for two weeks, which I was told I should consider a working interview. I will “sell” myself through my work and personality as I work side by side with them for 10 days. I have no doubts that I will knock their socks off.
Today I am celebrating liberation. I am celebrating my ability to change my life by driving from one state and city to another. I am celebrating the freedom of choosing adoption and co-parenting with three others. I am celebrating the freedom of choosing work that feeds my soul in addition to my bank account. I am celebrating freedom to build alternative definitions of family and life.
I fought hard for these freedoms. I fought the conditioning of my childhood and the dominant culture. I fought for more and better opportunities to slowly build my career and my income as a single mom. And I fought myself – my resistance to parenthood, my poverty consciousness, and my beliefs that I was choiceless and powerless. I fought hard for 20 years, won every one of my battles and now I’m here.
Rising from the ashes.
Shaping a new life.